2020. The Year of Change.

2020 is coming to a close and whilst 2021 isn’t starting much better, I think it comes with hope.

It’s not been the year that anyone predicted (I won’t go into the details; you’ll find them in the history books in 50 years time) but there have been highs and lows, and lots of self discovery. And it’s worth reflecting upon.

I know the pandemic has hit many people hard, and in all honesty, I’ve been very sheltered from it all. I think it’s a reflection of the company I keep in that I’ve only known a handful of people who have had mild look-after-yourself-at-home cases of Covid. We’ve been careful, but we have a toddler so therefore don’t have a busy social calendar. There’s a few things we’re missing out on; the good friends (you know, the ones you actually miss laughing about nothing with) and family. But can you imagine if this had happened 20 years ago when the Internet was in toddlerhood? We can Zoom to our hearts content.

I’ve now been a whole year in my role as Chief Instructor for a large and thriving Pony Club branch. It wasn’t the year we had planned, but I was certainly kept busy drawing up lockdown activities, jumping through hoops to get rallies up and running with the necessary protocols in place. I now feel like I know the majority of members and have a clearer understanding of them, their ponies and their aspirations. Don’t tell them, but I love this role!

Then my day business, Starks Equitation, had a compulsory hiatus in the spring. Which, whilst I would never have ever considered a six week holiday, was quite enjoyable. It actually gave me chance to do some life and home admin, refresh my professional side, attend some webinars, and enjoy the special time when a 2 year old transitions from limited phrases that only a parent can understand, to elaborate two way conversations (read arguments). This period did make me appreciate my job even more, so I was more than happy to hand over childcare duties and return to work. Since then, my work hasn’t really been affected by the pandemic. We’re outside; the lessons are individual; we can’t get too close to each other; we’re around horses so therefore hands get washed before touching our faces!

If anything, Starks Equitation has benefitted from the lack of competitions and organised rides, and limited social diaries, as horse owners are focusing their energies on their training at home, getting the fresh air and exercise so needed when working from home, as well as the psychological boost that our equine friends supply.

So professionally, life hasn’t really changed much. Personally, it has and it hasn’t.

I think the main thing that 2020 has taught me is how lucky I am. We have a stable family life; few arguments and a big enough house that we can get the desired space we need. We have a garden to make the most of the good weather. We have horses, which is an excellent excuse to get some fresh air each day, as well as giving me some me time. We are financially secure enough that we can purchase equipment for an activity to do at home, or buy a new coat so that we can continue with daily walks in winter.

I’ve never had a huge desire to travel, and yes we missed out on our trip to Austria for my 30th birthday. But it will still be there when we’re allowed to go. And in the grand scheme of things it’s really a first world problem, isn’t it? Whilst it would be nice to have a couple of days away from our house, it’s not a bad house, and not a life or death issue. I’ve learnt that I am really quite contented at home in my own bubble. I knew I was always a home girl at heart, but a lack of social obligations has made me realise I’m more than I realised.

It’s been a life saver having horses to tend each day; a reason to keep going; and also the fact that you will distantly bump into others at the yard, which takes away any loneliness and the change in conversation is refreshing.

I have discovered these last couple of weeks, perhaps it’s my body and brain reaching the end of the year and being reset, that I’m feeling aimless in my riding with Phoenix. She’s working well, but with limited competitions, and the risk of them being cancelled, I’m losing motivation to school her. Instead, I’ve been hacking more, but I do need a change of scenery – to hire a venue to school over a course of showjumps, or to hack on different territory. Yes we can technically still do this, but is it morally correct? And half the fun of these things is going with a friend. Which you can’t. So I’m lacking the enthusiasm to do this. I’ll sort myself out by 2021! I’m enjoying my time with her, which is the main thing.

From a family perspective, I feel like 2020 has drawn us together. There’s more juggling with limited childcare, but we’re more involved with her development, and can see our influences on her behaviour daily. We’re lucky to have a single household slash childcare bubble, which definitely helps relieve the pressure, and again gives variety to conversation. I’ve also found that doing so much online I’m saving quite a bit of driving time, and that is usefully utilised with self-care routines, like brushing my hair properly, exercise classes, booking chiropractor appointments instead of meaning to for weeks. As a result, I feel like my confidence in my self has improved.

2020. It’s had it’s ups, although it may be hard to find them sometimes, and has taught us much about ourselves. So before kicking 2020 out the back door on New Years Eve, remind yourself of the positive memories it’s given you.

If it’s taught us one thing, it should be this:

Leisure (1911)
W.H. Davies
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?-

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Life Under Lock and Key

It’s been almost two weeks of lockdown in the UK. It’s a strange new normal that I’m starting to accept.

When lockdown was announced I wasn’t hugely surprised, and in many respects it made some decisions for me; there was increasing talk about whether it was ethical to ride horses or teach and risk needing the emergency services. Childcare had stopped and I hadn’t worked out that logistical problem yet.

The first week went quite well; it was like Christmas but with better weather. It was a novelty, and actually time to take a breather and do some life admin. I planned some big jobs to do, and settled myself for some family time.

By the end of the second week, however, it’s beginning to feel like Groundhog Day. Each day Mallory and I go to the yard, ride and do chores like feed the chickens. Seeing very few people, but at least getting our exercise, fresh air, and sense of normality. I’m not sure Phoenix is as pleased about this as me, but her flatwork is coming on in leaps and bounds! Then we go home mid morning; lunch is as 12, and the afternoon is divided between playing, being in the garden, drawing, helping with jobs before tea and bed by 7. Then I can get some other jobs done.

There’s no way of distinguishing between days and it’s so easy to fall into a slump of depression and lose all motivation. After all, what is there to aim for if there’s nowhere to go and no one to show it to?

It’s looking increasingly likely that lockdown will be extended next week, and as I highly doubt kick-starting the equestrian industry will be high on their list, so I won’t be going back to work anytime soon. There’s nothing I can do about it, so there’s no point getting stressed about the situation, so I’ve accepted it.

But I do need to make some changes to help me cope with this new normal. Firstly, I need to differentiate between the days more, to better document the transition of time. I’m using Phoenix’s work to help. Polework on Tuesday, lunging on Wednesday, for example. Then I’m going to go back to doing Pilates on Mondays via video link. And find some other activities to do at home on specific days. And create a list of jobs around the house – those which are usually overlooked, and deemed unessential to fulfill my need to be productive. Then I have a few ideas for Pony Club – of activities the kids can do at home, of stable management lectures we can do remotely, and am rolling those out steadily. I’m completing my quiz and puzzle books, sorting out photos on my laptop, and reading the pile of books by my bed. I’m going to use this time to organise myself, as well as enjoy the time spent dressing up as superheroes, building Duplo, listening to Mallory’s echolalia expand her vocabulary as we count snails and pick daisies in the lawn.

And most of all, appreciate the fact that I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m on lockdown with people I love and like spending time with, we have a garden to escape from the indoors, we’re financially stable for the time being.

Workwise, what’s the plan? Who knows. The BHS is permitting remote teaching if a strict set of criteria are met. Which means that only a handful of clients qualify for it. There are the BHS Challenge Awards which can be taught remotely. However, the vibes I’m getting from everyone is that no one knows what the short term future holds, so are reluctant to commit to anything. Plus there is the uncertainty of job stability and finances, and the questionable moral of riding at the moment. I’m at the end of the phone to all my clients though, and am happy to put together exercise plans.

However, I can’t not have an income long term, so I need to think of alternative ways to earn money while this new normal continues. If not, I might actually get to the bottom of my job list and clean my car!